Kai'os;; can you see me?
Apr 21, 2013 13:22:09 GMT -6 Word Count:
Post by Kai'os on Apr 21, 2013 13:22:09 GMT -6
Find me in the storm
- Meaning:From the inner chaos caused by his conflicting desires
- Age:18 years
- Preset:The Defier
what mortar ties your bones?
- Breed:Dominantly Hanoverian with traces of Freiberger lines and Percheron undertones
- Build:Thick, arched neck, deep chest, and a muscled frame that speaks more toward strength than grace
- Pelt:His hindquarters are black, fading with a gradient into white halfway along his barrel
- Mane:A snow-hued, medium-length mane that grazes the bottom of his throat and follows the light arch of his muscled neck; relatively straight in nature with an extensive, sweeping forelock; thin in consistency; each strand is glazed with a metallic, silver sheen that reflects any direct lighting, mimicking aluminum
- Tail:A long, midnight-stained tail with natural, slight curls in its ends and a few, soft layers; at a complete rest, it brushes the floor and hangs smoothly
- Eyes:Lacking a pupil and with an ivory iris, they are solid white with little distinction of where he is looking
- Height:16.3 hands high
- Hooves:His front hooves are cream, his back hooves are charcoal
- Marks:Kai's ivory face is interrupted by a velvet-shined ebony muzzle with three spirals that claw up his face, one piercing his eye; a dark green, slightly yellowed, circle with three spirals sprouting from it on his right shoulder
- Items:Embellishment for the gem and Aura for its glow, A neon green gem protrudes from his evergreen marking on his shoulder and emits a halo of earthly light
what boils such beating blood?
- Key Traits:
- Silence. You cannot imagine the noise in silence. You cannot fathom the words someone says when they are not there. You cannot understand what pain means, what conflict does, what chaos is, until you have seen the broken body of your enemy before you. When your heart cries out for the blood you've spilled and your hooves raise to shed more. When the life of what you've hated passes by like a cold kiss on your flesh because the carcass you've loathed, you've shattered, lays in pieces. You cannot see death, but I can. I can see it inside myself. Death is not the lack of existence. It's when you are trapped inside existing. Death is your pulse like fire in your veins, scalding your soul, condemning you. There is something inside me that I have crushed, that you have ignored, that yearns for so much more. Can you hear it? Do you want to? Or is this easier, this exterior of mine, this creature of anger and violence, of cold indifference and choked laughter? The truth is too gentle, too quiet, too soft. It hurts too easily, loves too freely. It sacrifices too much and takes too little. The power of my voice cannot be heard in its wavering sigh; I am too strong, it is too weak. You do not want it. You do not want me. Leave me inside myself, you demand. Give me your ambition, your drive, your strength. Give me what you have, but not what you are. Give me your silence, your attention, your invulnerability. Starve yourself of air so that I might breathe more comfortably. I do not care about you, you say, but I need you, I crave you, don't leave me. Don't change. Be who you are, be who you are so very, very not. Run like a wolf and suffocate the lamb you are. Attack! Beat, beat your enemies, punish yourself, how dare you care. How dare you care.
- Unpredictability:Kai'os is a collision of two sides, each half careening his personality through extremes and over borders; living with such a turbid mindset rejects all methods of organization, ensuring every plan is ruined and all intentions shifted. As he can never make a clear choice, he prefers reality to adapt to his unpredictability and fall into disarray as well. Time is an ocean he wishes to drown in and expectations only lend him air.
- Distinction:Whatever you are, wherever you are, stand out... with your words, your actions, and your appearance. The norm is a thin standard that never wavers and offers no benefit besides invisibility, and to go unseen is the greatest sin. While Kai'os may not strive for attention, content to let it settle where it may, he refuses to blend into the blur of monotonous scenery undeserving of a second glance.
- Control:Kai'os is obsessed with command. He does not care about structure and laws nor about getting recognition for his control, but he needs to be the one orchestrating scenarios and the one who is reported to. Even if another claims credit for his successes, his anger would not rise so long as the outcome was produced by his own words. Rage is only roused when another usurps his duty, his right, and issues orders in his stead, particularly if done in his presence.
- Opinions:Following the ideas of another without discovering and applying your true beliefs displays ignorance and a weak mind. Of course, agreement or compliance, even compromise, is not naivete, but your acceptance should stem from a deeper understanding. Should your opinion differ from Kai'os', he will listen respectfully and adapt his views to whatever makes logical sense to him. Therefore, present your case and you will be heard.
- Resilience:What you feel, what you think, believe in it. Don't abandon it without proof, don't keep it silent when debate is brought. Although you should not be close-minded, you should not wield flimsy values. Steel yourself with determination and a comprehension of what you are speaking.
- Intolerance:Only a fool refuses to change his mind when faced with reason to. If your judgment is unwavering when truth itself has demanded it adjust then the basis of your every position is condemned as inane and meaningless.
- Prying:Secrets are not for the public to devour and investigations into someone's privacy is of the utmost disrespect. Lies are not intended to offend or to indicate you are not worth the truth; lies are meant to keep your thoughts, your feelings, where they belong. Lies are to protect yourself. They are about your own life, not to insult another. Taking a lie personally shows arrogance and self-absorption, just as prying into someone's mind shows disregard of simple manners.
- Solitude:Despite keeping his true self under a seal of careful facade, isolation is not a relief to Kai'os. Even if no one is around to see his real personality emerge, its presence is toxic, poisonous. It makes the charade of his daily life so much more difficult to bear, and when there is no ear to hear his heart's words, they spill forth. They bleed from his scabbed wounds and pour into the air with an untapped sorrow so craftily hidden. When alone, Kai'os becomes a victim to himself, voices he otherwise ignores ripping apart the sanity he pretends. Company will always be preferred to the torture of himself.
- Protocol:Rules should be liquid and lenient. There should be exceptions and reasoning for each, with the ability to bend to new circumstances. Ancient traditions cannot dictate a world that rapidly evolves or else it acts as a dam stunting the advance of a churning river, warping reality into a mutilated version of its potential. Growth is supplied by empathy, which is barren in strict government. To rule, it requires your constant attention, your personal touch. If a grey area is decided by a default system, mistakes will crush your throne and sever your relationship with those beneath you.
- Assumptions:Nothing can be presumed in life. What another is feeling can only be felt by them. Assuming you understand what occurs in another's mind only ensnares you in a massacre of hypotheses. The sole topic you can speak for certain is what you entirely own, know, or otherwise control. What is yours and you. Events will never unravel how you predicted and assuring others they will follow your design prepares merely disappointment.
- Adaptability:With such a malleable disposition, there is very little that can unsettle Kai'os. He adapts easily to a new circumstance, a new relationship, a new problem. Another might become staggered and need time to process their surprise but Kai'os accepts the inevitable change and immediately sorts out a new method that accommodates it.
- Ferver:Every undertaking receives his undivided attention and enthusiasm. From boring to exciting, he attacks his duties with an overwhelming degree of ambition and energy. The tasks he handles are thus completed swiftly and efficiently, a new project promptly sought to vanquish the lethargy that instantly rots him.
- Soothing:All horses share one heartbeat and Kai'os' breaks for the pain of another soul. Whether your anguish be physical or emotional, Kai'os is tied to your fate by mere approximation and his every breath will revolve around your healing. A balm to life's bruises, his sympathy is filtered through a talent for comforting, whatever you need readily provided with his soothing words. Although his ability to calm your troubles is rarely exercised unless alone with you, it thrums with his steady pulse and will torment him if ignored.
- Disorganized:With a mind that always alternates, modifying previous convictions with new truths and realizations, plans are always shredded by his impulse. No definite is safe from a fickle sway. Though he does his best to govern with a measure of predictability for those below him to estimate by, he cannot provide a firm foundation for the future. As time morphs, so must he. He prevents the transfer from vast spectrums to avoid the upset it would muster, meaning what was never punished would not suddenly become a serious offense without any transition, but he could never outline the coming days and follow it.
- Dependent:Seclusion breeds pain and conflict and wards off any sleep or relaxation Kai'os might attempt. He needs continuous company to keep his smile intact, no matter who it is or whether they are even there for him. So long as someone is within listening range, the careful binds of his masquerade restrain any onslaught of emotion and thus he can rest, eat, and live. As a young horse, this sometimes earned him the reputation of a stalker or other oddity, often found lurking in the shadows of another's conversation. Now that he is Domitan, he disguises this dependence with an assortment of ranks, friends, and lovers. In fact, he will frequently pick a new lover simply to get a few hours of sleep when he has spent too many days starving his body of slumber because he could find no viable excuse for another to stay with him.
- Truth:Kai'os cannot handle the truth of himself. He presents a thick cover of indifference and cruelty, overlaying his decisions with a front, a lie. He cannot accept himself. His feelings are torn and discarded, his reactions camouflaged and suppressed. Oftentimes, he remains silent to choke his personality into further submission, collecting himself again to once more manifest someone else--someone better.
- Revelation:When your world is a careful deception, your worst fear is inevitably the birth of your secrets and crumbling of your pretenses. Every inquiry is seen as a threat, quickly shielded and given whatever answer will satisfy and thus neutralize the terror. Kai'os lives in a world where the reward of being overlooked grants him one more breath, a world where the spotlight singes his flesh.
- Silence:In the silence whispers unheard voices and repetitive sounds that slowly pull apart his lucidity. When all noise is wholly vacant, Kai'os begins to hear other things. High-pitched keening that increases volume with every waking second; words that reveal no meaning but beckon his nerves like death; deep thunder that cracks lightning in his marrow. The silence deafens him until his perspective is reduced solely to one sense, one hallucination that cripples and blinds him and surrounds him with the unspoken.
- Acceptance:What if they would actually accept him?
- Rejection:What if they didn't?
- Love:A soul to spend forever beside. One that would heal him rather than demand his comfort. One that would give, not take, and accept, not question. One that would see and hear, not expect and believe. Someone who understands without explanation and fuses together the two sides that break him apart--that can love both, separate or united.
- Leadership:His rank is not a guarantee. There is no obligation for another to heed him, no promise they will not leave him. He could be mocked whenever absent or ignored when another choice is offered. Kai'os wants leadership, not by right, but by work. He longs to deserve power. To be worthy of what he demands and to be listened to from loyalty. A herd that would belong to him even if his throne was ripped from his possession; one that would defend him, search for him were he missing. He doesn't want to be replaceable. He doesn't want to be hated.
what shatters beneath those hooves?
- Historical Events:
- There is no single event that crafted me. Every breath has molded me, every word I've heard absorbed to become another part of me, another facet. There is no trauma I can blame for my torn halves, no single soul who instilled such pain inside my skin. I am the result of life; merely life. A product of circumstance and chance, of observing what I must be and finding no one searched deeper than what was presented. Everyone is happy with a lie, they do not question it. The only skepticism you receive comes from those who fancy themselves inquisitive; those who care only of themselves, only of satisfying their curiosity and bragging their knowledge. They do not dig for you. They do not dig to help you unearth the spirit you've shackled. My parents overlooked what I was and accepted what I gave. I was raised to be a leader, your leader, their leader. I was taught what a leader is, what steps I had to take, what strides I must fill. I met this stranger, this thing called a leader, and into its bones I grew. A second layer, I am lucky.
what reins in the thrashing wind?